How I Survived as a Single Mom: Part 2
When I took the job as a bartender, it became like therapy. I was working with other single mom's and the relationships that I had established, became very valuable to me. I was very shy and had to quickly learn to overcome my shyness, by having to talk to people. The Casino that I worked at served food, had gaming machines, a Bowling Center, live Poker and Simulcast Racing. I got to meet a variety of people, from all walks of life.
My son's father was with the woman that he later married and had another child with, he quickly pushed my son aside and excluded him from his life. I was not going to let him off the hook for paying child support, it was the least that he could do for my son. I had to fight for it every step of the way, with the help of the Child Support Enforcement division.
My mother had decided that I needed to start dating again and that she wanted 'grandma time'. We worked out an agreement, that she would keep my kids every Friday night and all day Saturday, while I was at work. I used the time for a while, for 'Girls Night Out' with my friends. We weren't out to find a man, we went out for dinner and then went dancing, just to have fun and blow off steam. I was grateful for the time, just to feel like an adult.
My job had given me a different perception on life. The horse betters became like a second family to me, they all knew that I was a single mom and tried to help me out, by tipping me well or just offering moral support. I in return, took care of them as well. I baked them plates of goodies at Christmas time and gave them cakes on their birthday's. I also offered an ear, when they needed someone to talk to.
My job wasn't about just mixing drinks, because most of them really just drank coffee and soda. I was spoiled by the customer's and by my boss. I got the most beautiful roses on my birthday, every year. My kids were also spoiled by them as well, they got VIP tickets for free, to ride the rides at the Fair, every year, free Demolition Derby tickets and when they had fund raisers for school or my daughter sold cookies for Girl Scouts, they always bought a ton, to help them beat the other kids sales.
The last few years, that I had worked there, I got free VIP tickets, to sit in the Sky Box at Adams Center for several concerts. When my son was seven, I coached him in Soccer, my bosses Bowling team threw money into a pot, to help me buy the equipment that I needed to coach. In 2007, The owners decided to sell and I decided to move on.
Through out that time, I had people encouraging me, to figure out what I wanted for myself. At that time, it was to write Children's books. I applied to the Institute of Children's Literature and was quickly accepted. It was a course that I could do from home and make payments on, to learn to write Children's books. There were ten stages that I needed to complete, to earn a certificate.
I was at seven, when I had to quit. The child support payments had stopped and I fell behind on my monthly payments. I was also working a full time job and coaching my son in Soccer. I didn't realize how much time and energy coaching was going to be and I had no time or energy left for writing. I learned quickly, that I couldn't do everything at once.
I was thrown a curve ball, my son's new step mother had encouraged his father, to try and take custody of my son. I received the phone call from a woman that claimed to be with a mortgage company. I knew I was not dealing with any, so I refused to give her directions to my house. I hung up the phone and she called back, coming clean that she was with a lawyers office and needed to serve me papers. I told her I would wait in the middle of the road for her and I did.
The papers that I was served, told me that I had ten days to file a parenting plan in District Court, or turn custody of my son over to his father. I wasted no time fighting him, he had made no attempt for visitation in three years. He knew that I did not have the money to hire an Attorney and assumed he would win. I went to Montana Legal Aid and explained my story. They helped me draw up the paperwork to contest and I had to walk the paper work to the Court and pay my own filing fees.
My boss helped me pay the filing fees, by letting me have a loan on my paycheck and pay it back $25 a paycheck. I called numerous lawyers in the phone book, looking for one to take my case Pro Bono, with the back Child Support that he owed. Through the Montana Legal Aid, I was able to find one. Though his Lawyer was trying to bully me, they didn't succeed. My Lawyer was even offered a position with the Law Firm, if he dropped my case.
I begged the Lawyer to ask them to wait, to prove to them he wasn't a back down guy and to keep my case and fight them. He told me that it was a huge opportunity for him and he couldn't turn them down. I begged and pleaded for him to stand up to them and wait until he finished this case. He finally agreed, we won and he now works for that Law Firm.
It was six months later and we hadn't settled in court yet. I was Christmas shopping at the Mall when I had come face to face with my sons father. I quickly started to go the other direction and he grabbed my arm. I told him to get his hands off of me and to never touch me again. He wanted to talk about "this" and tried to manipulate me. Before I answered anything that he said, the words shot out of my mouth; "How is my Son, what grade is he in, what does he like, how big is he?"
I proceeded to tell him how sick and selfish he was, that he couldn't ask those questions, that all he cared about was his money. The Mall security walked up to us and asked if there was a problem. I finally lowered my voice and told the man "No, I was just leaving." My son's dad asked if he could come to my house and talk. I agreed to it, only if he agreed to see my son.
I called my Attorney and explained what had happened and asked for his advice. He advised me not to refuse, to keep a journal on how the visit went, how he interacted with my son and what was being said. I did exactly that, I got a notebook and wrote down every detail, the date and time it all took place. The thing was, he plopped on my couch and paid no attention to my son, he kept trying to talk to me instead.
A few months later we settled in court. I asked my Lawyer to put stipulations in the parenting plan, that for his visitation, we would have a mediator pick my son up and bring him home, so we wouldn't have to see each other. I told him, I didn't want to be his friend, he was married to someone else and I didn't want him coming to my house and plopping his ass on my couch and not paying attention to my son.
When everything had become finalized in Court and my son's dad had lost, the visitation he was granted, had stopped again. He again walked out of my sons life and had another child with his then wife.
Things were going alright for me for awhile. As with everyone in life, we have high points and low points. Then again, the Child Support had stopped coming again. I was back to where I started and back at the Child Support Enforcement Division.
I struggled to make ends meet and the cost of Home Owners insurance and Propane to heat the place had me sunk financially. I had no choice but to let the place go, my Insurance Agent paid off what I owed and I signed it over to him. My kids and I moved in with my uncle for a month, while I figured out what to do next.
I had a melt down to my grandmother and told her I was ready to just give up. She as always, gave me the best advice; "Life will throw you hard balls and you have to just keep going, you can't give up, I raised eleven kids of my own and my grand kids and I felt like giving up, but I didn't, because I loved all of you to much and that love kept me going."
I was at work searching the classified ads, when one of the Horse Better's asked what I was doing. I explained my situation and he explained his to me. He had co signed for one of his employee's to buy a town house and she had to give it up a week after closing on it. He took over the payments and didn't know what to do with it. He asked me if I was interested in renting it.
I went to look at the place and was stunned, it had barely been lived in. we agreed on a price for rent that was reasonable for both of us and my kids and I moved in the next week. It was a three bedroom with 2 1/2 bathrooms, it was beautiful. The back yard was not landscaped, just some Sod laid and was full of dead branches and piles of dirt. My kids and I cleaned up the yard and I finished the landscaping.
We lived there for two years, I was almost to the point where I had my debts paid and could save for the down payment to buy the place. My friend had financed the place with a floating interest rate loan, the rates had increased drastically and he had to sell. I was heart broken, but I told myself, it wasn't meant to be.
My daughter was about to start her freshman year of high school and we had to move to another district. She had to adapt to, not being with her grade school friends. I was able to get into low income housing and start over again.
That's all for this week.
Everyone Have a great week!
Bobbie
XoXoXo
My son's father was with the woman that he later married and had another child with, he quickly pushed my son aside and excluded him from his life. I was not going to let him off the hook for paying child support, it was the least that he could do for my son. I had to fight for it every step of the way, with the help of the Child Support Enforcement division.
My mother had decided that I needed to start dating again and that she wanted 'grandma time'. We worked out an agreement, that she would keep my kids every Friday night and all day Saturday, while I was at work. I used the time for a while, for 'Girls Night Out' with my friends. We weren't out to find a man, we went out for dinner and then went dancing, just to have fun and blow off steam. I was grateful for the time, just to feel like an adult.
My job had given me a different perception on life. The horse betters became like a second family to me, they all knew that I was a single mom and tried to help me out, by tipping me well or just offering moral support. I in return, took care of them as well. I baked them plates of goodies at Christmas time and gave them cakes on their birthday's. I also offered an ear, when they needed someone to talk to.
My job wasn't about just mixing drinks, because most of them really just drank coffee and soda. I was spoiled by the customer's and by my boss. I got the most beautiful roses on my birthday, every year. My kids were also spoiled by them as well, they got VIP tickets for free, to ride the rides at the Fair, every year, free Demolition Derby tickets and when they had fund raisers for school or my daughter sold cookies for Girl Scouts, they always bought a ton, to help them beat the other kids sales.
The last few years, that I had worked there, I got free VIP tickets, to sit in the Sky Box at Adams Center for several concerts. When my son was seven, I coached him in Soccer, my bosses Bowling team threw money into a pot, to help me buy the equipment that I needed to coach. In 2007, The owners decided to sell and I decided to move on.
Through out that time, I had people encouraging me, to figure out what I wanted for myself. At that time, it was to write Children's books. I applied to the Institute of Children's Literature and was quickly accepted. It was a course that I could do from home and make payments on, to learn to write Children's books. There were ten stages that I needed to complete, to earn a certificate.
I was at seven, when I had to quit. The child support payments had stopped and I fell behind on my monthly payments. I was also working a full time job and coaching my son in Soccer. I didn't realize how much time and energy coaching was going to be and I had no time or energy left for writing. I learned quickly, that I couldn't do everything at once.
I was thrown a curve ball, my son's new step mother had encouraged his father, to try and take custody of my son. I received the phone call from a woman that claimed to be with a mortgage company. I knew I was not dealing with any, so I refused to give her directions to my house. I hung up the phone and she called back, coming clean that she was with a lawyers office and needed to serve me papers. I told her I would wait in the middle of the road for her and I did.
The papers that I was served, told me that I had ten days to file a parenting plan in District Court, or turn custody of my son over to his father. I wasted no time fighting him, he had made no attempt for visitation in three years. He knew that I did not have the money to hire an Attorney and assumed he would win. I went to Montana Legal Aid and explained my story. They helped me draw up the paperwork to contest and I had to walk the paper work to the Court and pay my own filing fees.
My boss helped me pay the filing fees, by letting me have a loan on my paycheck and pay it back $25 a paycheck. I called numerous lawyers in the phone book, looking for one to take my case Pro Bono, with the back Child Support that he owed. Through the Montana Legal Aid, I was able to find one. Though his Lawyer was trying to bully me, they didn't succeed. My Lawyer was even offered a position with the Law Firm, if he dropped my case.
I begged the Lawyer to ask them to wait, to prove to them he wasn't a back down guy and to keep my case and fight them. He told me that it was a huge opportunity for him and he couldn't turn them down. I begged and pleaded for him to stand up to them and wait until he finished this case. He finally agreed, we won and he now works for that Law Firm.
It was six months later and we hadn't settled in court yet. I was Christmas shopping at the Mall when I had come face to face with my sons father. I quickly started to go the other direction and he grabbed my arm. I told him to get his hands off of me and to never touch me again. He wanted to talk about "this" and tried to manipulate me. Before I answered anything that he said, the words shot out of my mouth; "How is my Son, what grade is he in, what does he like, how big is he?"
I proceeded to tell him how sick and selfish he was, that he couldn't ask those questions, that all he cared about was his money. The Mall security walked up to us and asked if there was a problem. I finally lowered my voice and told the man "No, I was just leaving." My son's dad asked if he could come to my house and talk. I agreed to it, only if he agreed to see my son.
I called my Attorney and explained what had happened and asked for his advice. He advised me not to refuse, to keep a journal on how the visit went, how he interacted with my son and what was being said. I did exactly that, I got a notebook and wrote down every detail, the date and time it all took place. The thing was, he plopped on my couch and paid no attention to my son, he kept trying to talk to me instead.
A few months later we settled in court. I asked my Lawyer to put stipulations in the parenting plan, that for his visitation, we would have a mediator pick my son up and bring him home, so we wouldn't have to see each other. I told him, I didn't want to be his friend, he was married to someone else and I didn't want him coming to my house and plopping his ass on my couch and not paying attention to my son.
When everything had become finalized in Court and my son's dad had lost, the visitation he was granted, had stopped again. He again walked out of my sons life and had another child with his then wife.
Things were going alright for me for awhile. As with everyone in life, we have high points and low points. Then again, the Child Support had stopped coming again. I was back to where I started and back at the Child Support Enforcement Division.
I struggled to make ends meet and the cost of Home Owners insurance and Propane to heat the place had me sunk financially. I had no choice but to let the place go, my Insurance Agent paid off what I owed and I signed it over to him. My kids and I moved in with my uncle for a month, while I figured out what to do next.
I had a melt down to my grandmother and told her I was ready to just give up. She as always, gave me the best advice; "Life will throw you hard balls and you have to just keep going, you can't give up, I raised eleven kids of my own and my grand kids and I felt like giving up, but I didn't, because I loved all of you to much and that love kept me going."
I was at work searching the classified ads, when one of the Horse Better's asked what I was doing. I explained my situation and he explained his to me. He had co signed for one of his employee's to buy a town house and she had to give it up a week after closing on it. He took over the payments and didn't know what to do with it. He asked me if I was interested in renting it.
I went to look at the place and was stunned, it had barely been lived in. we agreed on a price for rent that was reasonable for both of us and my kids and I moved in the next week. It was a three bedroom with 2 1/2 bathrooms, it was beautiful. The back yard was not landscaped, just some Sod laid and was full of dead branches and piles of dirt. My kids and I cleaned up the yard and I finished the landscaping.
We lived there for two years, I was almost to the point where I had my debts paid and could save for the down payment to buy the place. My friend had financed the place with a floating interest rate loan, the rates had increased drastically and he had to sell. I was heart broken, but I told myself, it wasn't meant to be.
My daughter was about to start her freshman year of high school and we had to move to another district. She had to adapt to, not being with her grade school friends. I was able to get into low income housing and start over again.
That's all for this week.
Everyone Have a great week!
Bobbie
XoXoXo
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