How I Survived as a Single Mom: Part 5
I find it to be strange, the way one can discover themselves in a time of crisis. After my uncles death, I began tapping into myself as a writer. I bought several books on screenwriting and read everyone of them. I already understood the story concept, I just needed to learn Screenplay formatting and rules.
With my son still in school, I also had to stay focused on helping him succeed. He was having a hard time coping with the grieving process and started smoking pot. He had gotten caught with it at school and was in trouble. We participated in a program, through the Center for Restorative Youth Justice.
The real punishment for me as a parent, was having to sit in a room with other parents, passing the blame on the absent parent. Each parent was asked to tell their child how they felt about them being there and how it effected them personally, by getting into trouble.
By the time it had come to being my turn to talk, I was very irritated, I made it very clear that I wasn't there to blame anyone, that I knew it was my responsibility to teach my child about drugs and alcohol and to lead by example. I don't do drugs and rarely keep alcohol in my home. I always thought if they didn't see me drink and it wasn't in my home, for my kids to sneak into, it wouldn't be a problem for them.
I never thought, that my son would think that pot wasn't a drug. The Medical Marijuana campaigns were plastered everywhere and my son said "Mom, Pot's a medicine, not a drug". It was an eye opening moment. I had to explain to him about the different uses of Pot and that it is an illegal drug.
His response was "Mom, people who smoke Pot, do nothing"!
I had to sit him down and explain to him, why most people who smoke Pot, do NOTHING and that it is a problem. When I had brought that fact up in the Parent/Child meeting, I was shocked when the other parents were looking at me as if I were the crazy one. It actually took the Counselor, to explain to them all, that Pot can kill motivation and some people sit around smoking Pot and do "nothing" with their lives, instead of pursuing dreams and setting goals to achieve success.
What I loved about the program, is that it taught the kids accountability. They had to learn that they have to hold themselves accountable for their own actions and to own up to their mistakes. At the end of the program, my son and I were asked to create a poster for the program.
We did it by drawing two roads, listing bad choices and good choices and how life is determined by the path and decisions, that we make for our selves each day. If you make bad decisions and choose a bad path, life will probably be bad for you. Good decisions are made by choosing a good path and that leads to a good life, with success.
As a parent, I realized I needed to encourage my kids, to make good decisions and stay on a good path. That also meant that I needed to lead by example and do the same thing for myself. I discovered a screenwriting contest and told myself it was sink or swim time. If I wasn't going to pursue my own dreams, how would I encourage my kids to.
I had to write the first 15 pages for my submission. It was the kick in the ass that I needed to get me started. I never made it in the top ten finalists for that competition, but I did finish writing the Script. It took six months for me to complete and when I did, I sat on my couch and cried my eyes out. I realized, it was the first thing I had ever wrote without my uncle Ed, from start to finish.
When I was a teenager, I would start writing songs, novels, poetry and what ever. I would get frustrated and hit a writers block, so I would walk into Ed and plop a notebook on his table and tell him to do something with it. He was a writer as well, only he liked writing under pen names, something that I hated doing.
I felt as if he were with me, through every step of the writing process. The story line had a hold of me and wasn't letting me go, I knew that I had to write it. I also discovered the cause for my writers block, waking up in the middle of the night, with a scene rolling around in my head, making myself forget about it, so I could go back to sleep, instead of getting up and just writing it on paper.
I still have not sold my first screenplay, but I have continued to enter other Screenplays in the same contest, every year since. I now have eight Scripts, that I have started and haven't completed yet. I have taken a few webinars and read a few more books on Screenwriting. I also look online, for other scripts to read, to help me master the craft of Screenwriting.
Learning how to write Movies, has helped keep my focus off of being single and helped me focus on keeping my son a positive path and helped him get to his High School Graduation, last month. It has also been a process for me, to get to know myself again and to stop trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, instead of just being me, staying true to myself and my goals and dreams. It's as if in some strange way, Ed is my writing angel, guiding me through.
As I look back at how far I have come, since I first became a mom almost, 24 years ago, I know that my greatest accomplishment so far, was my kids and being a mom. I kept my focus on my kids, I made family fun time for us and learned and followed these steps:
Bobbie
XoXoXo
With my son still in school, I also had to stay focused on helping him succeed. He was having a hard time coping with the grieving process and started smoking pot. He had gotten caught with it at school and was in trouble. We participated in a program, through the Center for Restorative Youth Justice.
The real punishment for me as a parent, was having to sit in a room with other parents, passing the blame on the absent parent. Each parent was asked to tell their child how they felt about them being there and how it effected them personally, by getting into trouble.
By the time it had come to being my turn to talk, I was very irritated, I made it very clear that I wasn't there to blame anyone, that I knew it was my responsibility to teach my child about drugs and alcohol and to lead by example. I don't do drugs and rarely keep alcohol in my home. I always thought if they didn't see me drink and it wasn't in my home, for my kids to sneak into, it wouldn't be a problem for them.
I never thought, that my son would think that pot wasn't a drug. The Medical Marijuana campaigns were plastered everywhere and my son said "Mom, Pot's a medicine, not a drug". It was an eye opening moment. I had to explain to him about the different uses of Pot and that it is an illegal drug.
His response was "Mom, people who smoke Pot, do nothing"!
I had to sit him down and explain to him, why most people who smoke Pot, do NOTHING and that it is a problem. When I had brought that fact up in the Parent/Child meeting, I was shocked when the other parents were looking at me as if I were the crazy one. It actually took the Counselor, to explain to them all, that Pot can kill motivation and some people sit around smoking Pot and do "nothing" with their lives, instead of pursuing dreams and setting goals to achieve success.
What I loved about the program, is that it taught the kids accountability. They had to learn that they have to hold themselves accountable for their own actions and to own up to their mistakes. At the end of the program, my son and I were asked to create a poster for the program.
We did it by drawing two roads, listing bad choices and good choices and how life is determined by the path and decisions, that we make for our selves each day. If you make bad decisions and choose a bad path, life will probably be bad for you. Good decisions are made by choosing a good path and that leads to a good life, with success.
As a parent, I realized I needed to encourage my kids, to make good decisions and stay on a good path. That also meant that I needed to lead by example and do the same thing for myself. I discovered a screenwriting contest and told myself it was sink or swim time. If I wasn't going to pursue my own dreams, how would I encourage my kids to.
I had to write the first 15 pages for my submission. It was the kick in the ass that I needed to get me started. I never made it in the top ten finalists for that competition, but I did finish writing the Script. It took six months for me to complete and when I did, I sat on my couch and cried my eyes out. I realized, it was the first thing I had ever wrote without my uncle Ed, from start to finish.
When I was a teenager, I would start writing songs, novels, poetry and what ever. I would get frustrated and hit a writers block, so I would walk into Ed and plop a notebook on his table and tell him to do something with it. He was a writer as well, only he liked writing under pen names, something that I hated doing.
I felt as if he were with me, through every step of the writing process. The story line had a hold of me and wasn't letting me go, I knew that I had to write it. I also discovered the cause for my writers block, waking up in the middle of the night, with a scene rolling around in my head, making myself forget about it, so I could go back to sleep, instead of getting up and just writing it on paper.
I still have not sold my first screenplay, but I have continued to enter other Screenplays in the same contest, every year since. I now have eight Scripts, that I have started and haven't completed yet. I have taken a few webinars and read a few more books on Screenwriting. I also look online, for other scripts to read, to help me master the craft of Screenwriting.
Learning how to write Movies, has helped keep my focus off of being single and helped me focus on keeping my son a positive path and helped him get to his High School Graduation, last month. It has also been a process for me, to get to know myself again and to stop trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, instead of just being me, staying true to myself and my goals and dreams. It's as if in some strange way, Ed is my writing angel, guiding me through.
As I look back at how far I have come, since I first became a mom almost, 24 years ago, I know that my greatest accomplishment so far, was my kids and being a mom. I kept my focus on my kids, I made family fun time for us and learned and followed these steps:
- Put God first and then family, everything else comes after ( Keep priorities straight)
- Lead by example, your kids are learning from you.
- Make your kids do chores, it teaches them a work ethic.
- Teach your kids to work and earn for what they want in life, life owes them nothing.
- Set Boundaries for yourself as a parent and set Boundaries for your kids.
- Teach your kids manners and respect, respect has to be earned, it's not given.
- Never make a promise that you can't keep, if your not sure that you can't deliver on a promise, then I always said " Let's wait and see". There is nothing worse for a child, then broken promises.
- Keep drugs and alcohol out of your house and out of your life.
- Make time for family time, get to know your kids and let them get to know you.
- Teach yourself and your kids, that Life isn't perfect and there is no such thing, as a perfect person, everyone makes mistakes.
- When the world tells you that you can't raise a child alone, prove that you can.
Being a mother has been the most challenging and rewarding thing in my life and I have loved every step and have cherished every moment. My kids never asked to brought into this world, they are here because I brought them into this world, it was my job to provide a roof over their head, clothes on their back, shoes on their feet and food on the table for them.
Being a parent, has had it's ups and downs and has been challenging, but so does life. I wouldn't have changed much of my life, it has helped mold me into to the person that I am today. My kids are my inspiration and have filled my life full of love and being a mom, has been the best job for me ever.
Though there are many pages, chapters and moments, I have left out of this, because I could have set here and wrote a book, about what I have learned as a parent. I just wanted to share the basics and give my readers a better perspective about who I am, as a person. I made mistakes along the way, I just tried to learn form my mistakes. I was face with many challenges and obstacles, I just learned to over come them.
I survived as a single mom, when the world told me that I can't, I proved that I can and I did. When people looked down on me for being a single mom, I held my head high and learned to rise above their hate. I thank God for the blessings that I have been given as a single mom.
I survived as a single mom, when the world told me that I can't, I proved that I can and I did. When people looked down on me for being a single mom, I held my head high and learned to rise above their hate. I thank God for the blessings that I have been given as a single mom.
Everyone have a Great Week!
Bobbie
XoXoXo
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