The Grieving Process
With losing three people very dear to me, over the past two years. I found it astonishing, how many people there are, that don't realize that grieving is a process, that takes time. Some people act as if, your supposed to instantly get over someone dying and forget about them.
I try to remind myself to take a look at the source and remind myself, that they may have never lost anyone close to them. If someone hasn't experienced loss and the heart break from losing someone, then they won't understand it.
Grieving is a process and it does take time. Especially when the death came as a sudden shock. Even when you know that someone is going to die and you try to prepare yourself, it still isn't easy. Your heart is still broken and it still hurts to lose someone.
We all know, that we will all die eventually, though it's not something anyone really wants to think about. It will happen, because it's part of life and life will happen. Every person has a their own book of life, each page and chapter has a beginning and an end and one day, there will be that final page, to the final chapter, of a persons book of life.
When I lost Ed, three years ago and I was planning his memorial service, was when it hit me, that I was writing that final page, to his book of life. I became determined, to make sure that I wrote it well, I knew there was no time for a re-write or editing. I made it about him and played his favorite music.
Last August, when I lost Steve, it was the same thing, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I still have days where I cry for both of them. Then losing my Momma, barely over a month ago, I again had my heart shattered. I again, wrote the last page of her book of life. I performed all three of their Memorial services, as an Ordained Minister and I felt as if God was challenging me, but I wanted it done right.
I have had many days over the past two tears, where some little thing comes up, it makes me think of the ones I have lost, so I go to my bedroom and I cry alone. Someone told me once that tears help cleanse the soul, so I let myself cry. It's hard to let go, but I know that I have to, because all three of them are in a better place.
The downside to watching someone grieving, is when they have a hard time coping with the pain. Some people cope in different ways, some better than others. Some will turn to alcohol or drugs, as a way to medicate themselves from the sadness. Usually, that kind of self medicating, leads to more grief in many ways. It's best to face it stone sober, make yourself accept it, cry and let them go.
It takes more than a day, a week, or even a month, to get over someone dying. It's heart break and heart break comes to us in many forms. I believe the saying is true; We live, we love, we die.
It's part of life, nobody is immune to love, we just have to learn to cherish it and be grateful, that we had someone in our life, at some point that taught us how to love.
My advise to anyone going through the grieving process; face it head on and do it sober, allow yourself those moments alone, to cry it out. Then ask yourself, what would the person that you lost want you to do. They would probably want you to go on and live the best life that you possibly could.
They would probably want us to understand, they are in a better place now and we have to let them go, set them free and cherish the memories of them, our memories of them, is what keeps them alive.
I have moments now, where I walk outside, look up at the sky for no reason and then I smile, because I know my loved ones are watching over me. God has ways of showing us things or telling us things and I believe that is the way of saying, they are thinking of you and watching over you as well.
I have also seen in my life, people that just can't cope with the pain, of losing someone at all and had to seek professional help. I commend the ones that have, because it is o.k. to ask for help. Seeking professional help for grieving, doesn't show a sign of weakness, it proves strength in knowing that you can't do it alone and need a shoulder to lean on and a little guidance, to get you through.
If you know someone that is grieving, please reach out to them, give them a hug, give them a call and let them know, that they are in your thoughts as well. If you know someone that is seeking professional help for grieving, please don't bash them for it, commend them for being strong enough to do it.
Remember this, when someone has just lost someone, they too are writing final pages to a chapter in their own lives and maybe you can help make that page a bit better, by reaching out to them. Give them time, because it takes time, they will not get over it, over night.
Help them find ways to laugh again, by taking them to see a funny movie. Comedy helps us heal, because it makes us laugh again. My favorite recommendation for this remedy; is Robert Downey Jr in Due Date. It helped me and my family to laugh again and I never thought that, I'd think of Robert Downey Jr as my cure, but he was, because he is a great actor.
I think my son said it to me the best, "Sometimes, all people really need, is just a hug."
Remember, the ones you lost are now beautiful angels, watching over us and they are in a better place, where there is peace and no pain or suffering, because they are free.
Everyone have a Great week!
Bobbie
XoXoXo
I try to remind myself to take a look at the source and remind myself, that they may have never lost anyone close to them. If someone hasn't experienced loss and the heart break from losing someone, then they won't understand it.
Grieving is a process and it does take time. Especially when the death came as a sudden shock. Even when you know that someone is going to die and you try to prepare yourself, it still isn't easy. Your heart is still broken and it still hurts to lose someone.
We all know, that we will all die eventually, though it's not something anyone really wants to think about. It will happen, because it's part of life and life will happen. Every person has a their own book of life, each page and chapter has a beginning and an end and one day, there will be that final page, to the final chapter, of a persons book of life.
When I lost Ed, three years ago and I was planning his memorial service, was when it hit me, that I was writing that final page, to his book of life. I became determined, to make sure that I wrote it well, I knew there was no time for a re-write or editing. I made it about him and played his favorite music.
Last August, when I lost Steve, it was the same thing, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I still have days where I cry for both of them. Then losing my Momma, barely over a month ago, I again had my heart shattered. I again, wrote the last page of her book of life. I performed all three of their Memorial services, as an Ordained Minister and I felt as if God was challenging me, but I wanted it done right.
I have had many days over the past two tears, where some little thing comes up, it makes me think of the ones I have lost, so I go to my bedroom and I cry alone. Someone told me once that tears help cleanse the soul, so I let myself cry. It's hard to let go, but I know that I have to, because all three of them are in a better place.
The downside to watching someone grieving, is when they have a hard time coping with the pain. Some people cope in different ways, some better than others. Some will turn to alcohol or drugs, as a way to medicate themselves from the sadness. Usually, that kind of self medicating, leads to more grief in many ways. It's best to face it stone sober, make yourself accept it, cry and let them go.
It takes more than a day, a week, or even a month, to get over someone dying. It's heart break and heart break comes to us in many forms. I believe the saying is true; We live, we love, we die.
It's part of life, nobody is immune to love, we just have to learn to cherish it and be grateful, that we had someone in our life, at some point that taught us how to love.
My advise to anyone going through the grieving process; face it head on and do it sober, allow yourself those moments alone, to cry it out. Then ask yourself, what would the person that you lost want you to do. They would probably want you to go on and live the best life that you possibly could.
They would probably want us to understand, they are in a better place now and we have to let them go, set them free and cherish the memories of them, our memories of them, is what keeps them alive.
I have moments now, where I walk outside, look up at the sky for no reason and then I smile, because I know my loved ones are watching over me. God has ways of showing us things or telling us things and I believe that is the way of saying, they are thinking of you and watching over you as well.
I have also seen in my life, people that just can't cope with the pain, of losing someone at all and had to seek professional help. I commend the ones that have, because it is o.k. to ask for help. Seeking professional help for grieving, doesn't show a sign of weakness, it proves strength in knowing that you can't do it alone and need a shoulder to lean on and a little guidance, to get you through.
If you know someone that is grieving, please reach out to them, give them a hug, give them a call and let them know, that they are in your thoughts as well. If you know someone that is seeking professional help for grieving, please don't bash them for it, commend them for being strong enough to do it.
Remember this, when someone has just lost someone, they too are writing final pages to a chapter in their own lives and maybe you can help make that page a bit better, by reaching out to them. Give them time, because it takes time, they will not get over it, over night.
Help them find ways to laugh again, by taking them to see a funny movie. Comedy helps us heal, because it makes us laugh again. My favorite recommendation for this remedy; is Robert Downey Jr in Due Date. It helped me and my family to laugh again and I never thought that, I'd think of Robert Downey Jr as my cure, but he was, because he is a great actor.
I think my son said it to me the best, "Sometimes, all people really need, is just a hug."
Remember, the ones you lost are now beautiful angels, watching over us and they are in a better place, where there is peace and no pain or suffering, because they are free.
Everyone have a Great week!
Bobbie
XoXoXo
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